This Lenten sermon, by a psychotherapist, explores the various issues of conflict in our lives through reflection on Deuteronomy 4 and Matthew 5
Listening to Conflict
Lenten sermon at St Andrew's Church Holborn, 6 March 2013
by Alison Kings
Deuteronomy 4: 1, 5 - 9
Hear now, O Israel, the decrees and laws I am about to teach you. Follow them so that you may live and may go in and take possession of the land that the Lord, the God of your fathers, is giving you.
See, I have taught you decrees and laws as the Lord my God commanded me, so that you may follow them in the land you are entering to take possession of it. Observe them carefully, for this will show your wisdom and understanding to the nations, who will hear about these decrees and say, "Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people." What other nation is so great as to have their gods near them, the way the Lord our God is near us whenever we pray to him? And what other nation is so great as to have such righteous decrees and laws as this body of laws I am setting before you today?
Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.
Matthew 5: 17 - 19
Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfil them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and encourages others to do the same will be called the least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practises and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
__________________________________
Listening to conflict. What a challenge.
It is not our duty, as human beings trying to live a christian life, to avoid conflict. It is to listen to it, to pay attention to it, and to find out what it is telling us. This is a vital precursor to any attempt to resolve conflict, and it is a stage many of us would rather avoid.
Conflict is part of what it is to be human. It happens at all levels: internal, interpersonal, in families, in organisations, in societies, and between nations. It is in many ways a source of creativity in us, for if we do not have conflict we would remain the same: unchanging, robotic, unimaginative, or governed by clearly defined and predictable instincts.
Bees will sting an intruder to the hive, and lose their own lives in the process. For people to risk giving their lives for the sake of others, they have to face conflicting feelings, instincts and thoughts. This may be familiar to us in London, as we decide whether to intervene in an argument on the bus or a street fight.
As we know from those poignant words in Gethsemane: "Father, take this cup from me, yet not my will but yours be done", Jesus, fully human and fully divine, wrestled with conflict within himself and between him and his Father. Jesus gives us a window onto the most anguished conflict in the gospels within God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
A relationship without conflict is stale: we need some difference. Creativity and life in a friendship, partnership or marriage comes from finding out more about the other: sometimes being surprised and delighted by what we find. It is even possible to surprise oneself!
So what use are our readings today as we try to understand this? Both are about the law.
God says, and Moses says, "I have taught you decrees and laws ... so that you may follow them ... Observe them carefully, for this will show your wisdom and understanding." Jesus gives a resounding "yes" to the law in our gospel reading.
The laws which we internalise are the framework within which we face conflict and respond to conflict. They are the basis of our moral code, our ethical stance.
God, through Moses, is giving his people decrees and laws "so that you may live"; "so that you may take possession of the land"; "so that you may follow them in that land". They are about wisdom and understanding, and continuing justice, "to your children and to their children after them."
The laws and decrees by which human beings live, whether Jewish or Christian or neither, are the framework which gives shape and meaning to our lives. They inform our choices as we negotiate the messiness of daily life.
Deuteronomy promises the Jews that other nations will be impressed: "Observe the decrees and laws carefully, for this will show your wisdom and understanding to the nations" who will see what a great nation they are, and how close the Lord their God is to them.
So the promise which comes with these laws is that, if they are followed, wisdom and understanding will follow (and others will be impressed). The challenge is to live up to this. "What other nation is so great?" can be a huge encouragement but also a daunting responsibility. The British have had a parallel challenge: we even call ourselves Great Britain. We have a good legal framework, and have been a powerful nation.
This can contribute to a normal, and fundamentally healthy, pride in one's own people: patriotism at its best. We stand up for our nation, believe in it, as, at best, we do for our families and friends.
The risk, the shadow side, of this, is that patriotic pride may descend into nationalistic arrogance. Other nations or groups of people are then seen as, and treated as, inferior and not worthy of respect.
This can lead to atrocities in war, when another nation's suffering is seen as a triumph, not a tragedy. It can also lead to atrocities such as senior politicians suggesting we may "get rid of the Human Rights Act". That such a phrase can be used publicly suggests that we are losing some of our fundamental humanity, our underpinning by a righteous body of laws.
When we depersonalise the other with whom we are in conflict (person, group, or nation), we simplify the situation and superficially make it easier. If we say we have a problem with "criminals" or "terrorists" or "the enemy", we make it acceptable, at some level, to treat other people as less than human, as "bad".
Even less personal, we can declare a "War on Terror", thus implicitly legitimising our own unethical behaviour. We tell ourselves Good is fighting Bad, and of course it is we who are Good. Paradoxically, this kind of thinking only ratchets up the level of fear and terror around us.
If the "Other Side" are simultaneously engaged in the same process, we are in serious trouble and everyone involved risks losing their framework of laws and decrees, which promulgate justice and humanity.
But what about us, here, today, trying to live ordinary christian lives and using Lent to focus that? Lent can be thought of as a time to do something different, so it is, by its nature, a time of conflict. Do I continue to do what I normally do, or do something differently? If so, what? Choosing one thing often means we cannot choose another.
Negatively, we may have given something up, but positively this may open up a choice to take something else on, and to face internal conflicts.
Jesus chose to go into the wilderness, to spend time with himself and with God. He found himself faced with conflicts, which he dealt with by calling on his own resources, as shaped and nurtured by his parents' teaching and his Jewish education, as well as by calling on God. This experience built him up, and fed into his subsequent decisions about how to live each moment.
May God protect us from having to face anything similar, but we still have to face life. Our Lent will contribute to our growing maturity, whether we like it or not.
We live in a society dripping with excess. It is not easy to give up chocolate, or coffee, or alcohol when we only have to step out of the door to be tempted to indulge ourselves. Food and drink are all around us, all the time. Do not belittle yourself if you have imposed such a discipline, nor if you fail from time to time to maintain it.
You have been listening to conflict within yourself and witnessing it around you. If you have chosen to spend more time in prayer, or in spiritual reading, then these are very difficult disciplines to maintain when the conflicting demands on our time, all the time, are so insistent. Emails, music, texts, TV, twitter, household chores, the need to do a bit more work, to get a bit more sleep, all intrude.
We always have internal conflicts. May this week provide an opportunity to notice what these are, in the light of our internal framework. In reviewing the choices we have made, may we hone our ideas and build up our sense of our moral and ethical position by being more aware of it, and informing ourselves about it.
We have more choices than has been common in human history. How to use our time, our money, our natural resources. This is a huge challenge to us, as it should be: much has been given to us, therefore much is asked of us.
The gospel reading tells us that Jesus came not to abolish the law but, in himself, to fulfil it. He gives a resounding "yes" to the law in the now. "Not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen will disappear". "Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same... will be the least." But "whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven." This is paralleled later in Matthew 25:40 referring to the hungry, the stranger, the sick, the prisoner: "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers or sisters of mine, you did for me."
Let us ask for the help of God the Holy Trinity as we live out the kingdom of heaven here on earth, responding by being faithful with a few things, risking the challenge that we may be asked to be fruitful with many.
____________________________________________________
Alison Kings is a psychotherapist with a private practice and is cofounder of Analytica Consultancy
These posts are by guest authors for Fulcrum